We have been exploring how Queen Elizabeth II uses her faith and her sense of duty to help her maintain her resilience over years in her “job for life” and now we will explore the aspect that is perhaps the hardest to explore, her mental habits. This is challenging as we can’t know what the Queen is thinking (she gets that privacy, at least), but we can make certain assumptions about her mental habits given her calm public-facing demeanor over the long-term.
Take a moment and imagine how you think the Queen talks to herself. Is it how you talk to yourself? Could you enter a room full of 500 hundred people and make meaningful chitchat with them and make them feel they have your full attention while you calmly and elegantly mingle or is your mind already conspiring against you and telling you how awkward you are and everyone will think you are a fraud?
For all we know, the Queen might think nasty thoughts about everyone she meets, complaining to herself about how all her meetings are a waste of time, the world is awful, she is over-whelmed, she is terrible at being Queen, and everyone hates her. This is very unlikely, but the point is, even if it is true, her public-facing persona is unwavering in her widely-acknowledged kindness, approachability, grace, and poise. Instead, I imagine that the inside of the Queen’s head is a fairly calm place that supports her work in the world and that she has a strategy to get herself back on track when she is, as we all are at times, inevitably out of sorts.
As we have explored in the earlier resilience posts, Queen Elizabeth II’s sense of duty gives her purpose and direction, while her faith synchronizes with her purpose and duty and provides her with support. Duty and faith also synchronize one’s mental state. In the Queen’s case, probably giving her a steady place to return to which helps her fulfill her duty. And if you want the confidence of a queen, it’s helpful to talk to yourself in a kind, and practical way. How does Her Majesty do it? Here are a few possibilities.
Decide and Do It
Queen Elizabeth II seems to be a person who decides what she is going to do and does it without much whiffle-waffling once the decision is made. This practice can free up a lot of mental space. If conditions change, a decision can be revisited, but otherwise there is no point in continuing to ponder it. Take the actions necessary or move on to the next decision. I, myself, am awful about this and tend not to follow this advice at all. It wastes a lot of my time and causes unnecessary worry. Perhaps I need an attitude of done is better than perfect.
Compartmentalize, Healthfully
The Queen is said to compartmentalize effectively so that she is not thinking about something at a time that doesn’t matter. This would certainly explain her ability to focus on any given situation in the moment, and also supports her rumored ability of being a “good sleeper.” This is again useful advice that I am mostly terrible at, but gaining skill in doing. If, like me, your nightly routine includes lying in bed ruminating about things you can’t do anything about, all you’re doing is making yourself stressed and the wrong kind of tired. That doesn’t help anything. This is, of course, easier said than done. I have found a couple of strategies helpful in these situations. If I can’t take care of a problem while I am worrying about it, I make a note, in writing or mentally, to take care of it when I am able to. This is not procrastination, instead, compartmentalizing in a healthful fashion requires one to actually deal with an issue at a specific, albeit later, time. If not dealt with in a timely fashion, your mind will keep bringing it up until the problem is sorted. I find daily meditation is also helpful, and have been doing so for a couple of years now. Meditation helps to remind me to look at what is going on in my head clearly. (And, yes, you have time to do this. I do it for five minutes a day with an app. Consistency is more important than length of time in my experience.) Both of these strategies have made real, helpful changes in my mental state.
Meditation also helps me be aware of how I am talking to myself. My mind is nastier to me than anyone I know. This isn’t helpful. Do you listen to advice from people who are nasty to you? I don’t. And it is difficult to be compassionate to others if you aren’t to yourself. Not everyone does this to themselves. This was very surprising to me. Ever ask someone what they are thinking and found out their head is a much more fun place to be than your own?
Changing mental habits can be quite difficult, but worth the effort. There are many resources out there to help with this and worth experimenting to find the method that works best for you. If you want the staying power and resilience Queen Elizabeth II has, you need to make friends with your mind and develop a useful working relationship with it. And sometimes this may mean letting it rant and rave. For the Queen, her mind is one of the only places she can be completely open and honest, so perhaps her mind is a place of refuge and relief – a very good friend. Depending on your constitution and current mental habits, this friendship may take some time and effort to develop. Seek out the experts who can help you with the process; it will help everything in your life run more smoothly.
