As mentioned in the previous post discussing the importance of healthy habits, sleep is a key healthy habit of Queen Elizabeth II. The Queen is said to be a good sleeper as she is said to have a regular sleep schedule and is not a person who ruminates all night long keeping herself awake. I, on the other hand, am not this way at all. I am not a good sleeper and I never have been. I am jealous of the Queenʻs sleeping ability and I am exploring what I can learn from Her Majesty to help myself and others get a better night’s rest.
Queen Elizabeth II’s good sleep has been chalked up multiple factors, including her regular schedule, her ability to compartmentalize her thoughts, sleeping alone, and her hot water bottle while traveling. To the first point, the Queen’s bedtime is reportedly 11:00 pm, and she is said to sleep until 7:00 am allowing her eight hours of sleep if she drops straight off– an appropriate amount as the experts generally recommend seven to nine hours a night for adults.
As for me, even as a child I had trouble falling asleep –I was always the last awake at sleepovers (rather lonely!). Now, as an adult, I’m still the last awake while I listen to my husband sleeping away peacefully as I lie awake trying to trick or bore myself to sleep. Thankfully, the pandemic has given me the space I needed to know my specific habits and needs, which hopefully others can relate to. First, my body likes to go to sleep no earlier than 11:00 pm. This, in and of itself, is not a problem. The problem is my husband has to get up at 5:00 am to get ready for work and our toddler is also an early riser, rarely sleeping past 6:00 am. Alas, I am not one of those people, I see you Margaret Thatcher, who can get by on minimal sleep. I am ideally a 9 ½ hour sort of person. I do not get this amount and it shows. This is a problem I will have to overcome since I can’t sleep later. Second, my brain does not shut off. I am one of those people whose brain likes to think up all the depressing and anxiety-ridden thoughts it can as soon as I lie down. Third, the knowledge that it’s difficult for me to sleep means I’m afraid of bedtime. So sometimes I keep myself up watching tv to put off going to bed. Finally, when I get more sleep, the difference in my mood and motivation is staggering and I don’t feel the need to fall asleep on the couch at 10:30 in the morning.
Lack of sleep is a key personal resiliency problem for me, and I suspect also for many people. I knew it was a problem, but now due to pandemic-related family schedule changes I have the evidence of the difference it makes in my life when I do get the sleep I need. As noted in Ariana Huffington’s book Thrive, who can “lean in” when they’re too tired to contemplate it? Also, I am the only one keeping myself from sleeping so I feel a responsibility to solve something others don’t have the luxury of solving.
So, what have I tried to learn from Queen Elizabeth II? First, a schedule. I could do with a regular schedule, but find myself rebelling against it and often have more trouble falling asleep when I try too hard to do it. Over the last few months, I have been trying to get to bed earlier. I set myself the goal of getting to a 9:00 pm bedtime, with a 10:00 pm lights-out time which would get me 7 hours of sleep. I managed over a couple of months to get it to 11:00 pm, but kept getting stalled there. So, I also recently made a chart to hang on the wall that I can track my lights-out time. I am edging my lights off by 15 minutes earlier a week. The chart seems to be helping because I can see whether I am successful. I have now managed to get myself to bet at 10:45 pm and am continuing to work my way through it with a gentle attitude, and patience, using my chart as a guide to identify problems rather than a tool to berate myself with when I don’t achieve my goals.
Second, active thinking. I have actually made a lot of progress on this over the years. I try not to get wrapped up in the thoughts. I notice them and if they need more examining before I can sleep I will, before ending the night by thinking up games like naming actors, Harry Potter characters, etc. to distract myself.
Third, sleeping alone. I can’t do this as I don’t have an extra room. And I am not sure I would like to. I like feeling all cozy with my husband even if he RARELY keeps me up sometimes snoring.
Fourth, a hot water bottle. Well, it is too warm where I am for a hot water bottle, but noted for solo travels to chilly places!
Finally, while we lack evidence that the Queen is a bedtime reader, she is rumored to enjoy some light reading. I have realized over the last few months that what I decide to read before bed is crucial. I cannot read anything that will get me thinking too much. Non-fiction is generally out. I need light and airy reads. I am currently trying some royal favorites – Dick Francisʻs horse racing murder mysteries and P.G. Wodehouseʻs Jeeves and Wooster series. I liked Francisʻ first book, but donʻt really want to contemplate murder at bedtime so I may try to rotate between Wodehouse and the All Creatures Great and Small series by James Herriot. Light reading helps to dull my active thinking and keep my thoughts positive before drifting peacefully off to sleep.
While I am still struggling to achieve my 10:00 pm bedtime goal – it isn’t easy changing a lifelong habit – I have managed to edge my bedtime a half hour earlier than it was. Bedtime can be luxurious, so I need to make it something I look forward to in order to counter my narrative that I have an unpleasant relationship to it. So, what’s my advice after trying to change a lifelong habit for a few months? Be patient with yourself, make small incremental changes, when you get stalled try to objectively identify the reasons and what you can do to change things, and keep at it. My extra half hour of sleep has been glorious!
