…FROM MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS
Queen Elizabeth II’s staff helps her handle all the details of life, but her friends and family make it enjoyable – most of the time, anyway. It can be hard when we are plugging along and doing all that we need to do, to stop and remember why we are doing it. Part of that why will usually include our friends and family and those same people can help us increase our resilience by supporting us and helping us remember to have fun.
Friends
The royal family often laments that it is hard to find close, trusted friends. This is true as they never really know what someone’s motivation is to be their friend and whether the person can be trusted. But, they do make some good friends, often old friends they have trusted since childhood and have shown they are trustworthy and loyal. These friendships are most successful when the friend knows how the system works and accepts the rules as they are, thereby easing the stress of their royal friend which helps them relax and have fun. And let’s not forget the best friends are trusted listeners. All of these are key to a happy and resilient life.
Patrick Plunket, 7th Baron Plunket served this role for the Queen for many years. They were friends from childhood and he later served as her Deputy Master of the Household. Baron Plunket threw the Queen’s parties and curated interesting guest lists, introduced her to art, and was a trusted advisor until his death in 1975. Without him, Queen Elizabeth II would have had a much tougher time adapting to life as queen and keeping things light when times got too serious.
Keeping this in mind, how are your adult friendships going? Does your life look like those early-adult sitcoms with friends to help you through all your troubles or has this part of your life become neglected even before the pandemic? I thought I was alone in my loneliness, but a quick survey of my friends scattered around the world showed me it is quite common to have trouble making new friends and maintaining old ones while coping with all the adult demands on our time. But it is a key aspect of mental health and enjoying life. It is important to prioritize it and I certainly need to take my own advice on this issue.
Family
The closest friend a royal—or anyone – may have is their spouse, and getting this choice right is a key to anyone’s success. A trusted spouse who dedicates themselves to supporting the royal family member is an undoubted help.
The best spousal relationships are not just loving, they’re synergistic – they compensate each other. The Queen Mother helped introverted King George VI cope with his duties by compensating with her superior social skills and joie de vivre, among others. She led the shy king through crowds and reminded him to have fun when the stress was high. Without her by his side, the work of being king would have been immensely harder. And while the focus is usually on how she helped him, he also helped her, by, among other things, taking care of the aspects of life the Queen Mother found more difficult such as telling people no and managing the finances. Also, while Queen Elizabeth II has to be serious in public, the Duke of Edinburgh is famous for his witty, and often off-color, jokes to ease the stress of interactions on all parties.
If you haven’t married, but are planning on it, it is helpful to find a partner who wishes to live like you would like to live. While the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh’s marriage has had its rocky patches like all do, one important key to success is that Queen Elizabeth II found a partner who was willing to live the way she is duty-bound to live. In their case, it took a lot of adaptation on the Duke’s part which hopefully doesn’t apply to you, but they had worked this out prior to their marriage and both had decided and agreed to the life they were going to lead. While one’s desires may change in life, it is helpful if you are both fond of the same mode of living.
If you currently have a spouse, hopefully you are partners in life who help strengthen each other’s weaknesses. If you don’t do this, perhaps some careful thought can highlight areas where you can. Perhaps, you are doing it already, more than you think. Part of the skill in this partnership is accepting the person you married and their weaknesses. This is not to excuse hurtful or harmful behavior as that should be addressed, but smaller things that might irk us. I, myself, can be quite shy in talking to strangers, even waiters or making phone calls, and while I am quite capable of doing it, my husband often steps forward to do it as he knows it makes me uncomfortable. These little ways of helping each other can ease the stresses of life.
The people we interact with on a daily basis, especially our family and friends, will help us tremendously in living a resilient life as long as we cultivate these relationships with care and identify when they need some extra tending. It is part of what brings the joy to life. Think how dreary the Queen’s duty would be without friends to help her relax and the Duke of Edinburgh by her side cracking jokes and reminding her of the lighter side of the world.
